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This will be a real for fun MMA tournament, following amateur MMA rules.
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There will be no charge for this event. It is just for fun. Outside people cannot join.
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Contestants will have six weeks, from signup date, to get in great shape and learn how to fight. Legends will be born. Sexy bods will be built. Do it.
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Contestants must *not* have ever had any actual MMA fights of any type. This is amateur / for fun only! We are expecting the most likely outcome of the fights will be people collapsing from exhaustion and having their competitor sit on their face until they tap out.
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We will have a real MMA referee -- Chris Reilly, the world famous Thai Kick Boxing Champ (only American to ever go to Thailand and take their belt). He will keep things both safe and fair.
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For those of you that don't know what the MMA is, it stands for Mixed Martial Arts. This means contestants will use a variety of fighting tactics ranging from striking (boxing, dirty boxing, Muy Thai) to grappling (wrestling) to submissions (jujitsu). Everyone has a different style. Some boys just like to wrestle on the ground. And Ichabod Insane likes to punch in the face.
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Chris Reilly, who also owns MMA Legends gym in Hollywood, is offering an awesome 50% discount to us. Come get in shape and beat your boss! Chris is a great guy and will give you an alternative to repetitively lifting and dropping uniform blocks of black metal and calling it a "workout".
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Signup here and change your outlook on life and health and humor right now!
IF YOU WIN...
Spoils go to the overall victor. Thou shalt receive:
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two weeks paid vacation
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honor, glory, bragging rights, comedy, black comedy, move a notch up the dating caste
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guaranteed 30 day placement on the intranet
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YouTube 5 minute video made in your honor by the Fonality Art Department - this video will have a quick background on you and your illustrious rise through the MMA ranks, and then showcase your crushing victory over your paltry opponents
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You will *not* have to grow a moustache
IF YOU LOSE...
Losing builds character. In this case, it also makes other people laugh at you. The loser(s) shalt:
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Allow the winner to write an apology email from *their* email account to the winner, with intranet publishing rights.
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Write two *additional* hand-written letters, under separate covers, to the winner's parents...apologizing for losing. If one/both parents are dead/unavail then the winner can pick any two members of their immediate family.
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Grow a moustache for x days and shave any other facial hair below the eyelids. X being commensurate with how long you lasted in the tournament. See table:
When you lose
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Duration of heinous stache
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Lost in Finals
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2 weeks
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Lost in Semi-Finals
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3 weeks
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Lost in 2nd Round
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4 weeks
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Lost in 1st Round
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6 weeks
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IF YOU LOVE THIS IDEA BUT WON'T/CAN'T FIGHT
No problem. You can still sponsor the MMA Legends Gym Membership for another fighter. You can sponsor them in $5, $10, $15, $20 per/week increments for the duration of their six week training period. Sponsorship signups can be found here. This is an external link which means external people can sponsor you too! Sponsors are needed becusae not only do the fighters have to pay a (reduced rate) gym membership, but there is also gear for them to buy...mouthguard, headgear, shinguards, gloves, handwrap, etc.
WHO IS IN ALREADY?
So far, the four guys on the poster plus just-joined Smooky are in. So we have:
"fonalityFFC" <<<
